12.40 am – JOHANNAH DEAKIN 💔

I just saw a video. Three terminally ill patients were trained by some stand up comedians for stand up comedy on death …the audience included their friends, families and doctors and the three of them tried to prepare the audience ( their loved ones ) for the inevitable. Maybe its a good productive group activity… Maybe its a healthy initiative …i don’t know…i Actually don’t want to know. BECAUSE NO I DON’T THINK SO YOU SHOULD BE PREPARED FOR DEATH OF SOMEONE YOU LOVE …there is nothing absolutely nothing that can fill the place emptied by someone you loved with all your heart…and i don’t accept this…i won’t accept it. Maybe i am not mature enough to handle a certain type of pain or loss. But my 22 year old heart misses jay tomlinson everyday. I don’t want jokes …i don’t want therapies..i certainly don’t want those shining big words…you know which one is the worst ??? “God picked the most beautiful flower from the garden for himself”…how is that supposed to make me feel better ???? If god loved her so much that he wanted her for himself then think about me as a helpless human being ??? How much important that person would be for me if she is even in God’s good graces.. I want REMITTANCE.. I WANT JOHANNAH “JAY” POULSTON DEAKIN BACK ….and if i can’t get her back then i don’t want to heal.. i want to feel this pain …this loss everyday of my life!!! Atleast this way she is not gone for forever. 

Give me a while

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