4.23am

Cries are unheard

Nobody knows, nobody sees

How the walls inside kick and kill

I might not be the right person to keep

But killing a part of me, is that all you need ? 

Tears run dry so it hurts alot more

I might run fast and run for a bit more

All i know,

There’s no place i can call home

– Jewels William Estrada

Give me a while

(1.3) 

12.40 am – JOHANNAH DEAKIN 💔

I just saw a video. Three terminally ill patients were trained by some stand up comedians for stand up comedy on death …the audience included their friends, families and doctors and the three of them tried to prepare the audience ( their loved ones ) for the inevitable. Maybe its a good productive group activity… Maybe its a healthy initiative …i don’t know…i Actually don’t want to know. BECAUSE NO I DON’T THINK SO YOU SHOULD BE PREPARED FOR DEATH OF SOMEONE YOU LOVE …there is nothing absolutely nothing that can fill the place emptied by someone you loved with all your heart…and i don’t accept this…i won’t accept it. Maybe i am not mature enough to handle a certain type of pain or loss. But my 22 year old heart misses jay tomlinson everyday. I don’t want jokes …i don’t want therapies..i certainly don’t want those shining big words…you know which one is the worst ??? “God picked the most beautiful flower from the garden for himself”…how is that supposed to make me feel better ???? If god loved her so much that he wanted her for himself then think about me as a helpless human being ??? How much important that person would be for me if she is even in God’s good graces.. I want REMITTANCE.. I WANT JOHANNAH “JAY” POULSTON DEAKIN BACK ….and if i can’t get her back then i don’t want to heal.. i want to feel this pain …this loss everyday of my life!!! Atleast this way she is not gone for forever. 

Give me a while

(1.2)

Give me a while….

1.1 

2.18 am

I just need a hug !!!! ….i am not a hugger…. Physical intimacy is not my thing at go ….but sometimes i crave for a long ….Unexpected… Sudden …warm hug from anyone …JUST ANYONE !!!! And for it to continue till i feel grounded again… Somewhat not floating around and my mind shuts down and comes to rest for a while ….I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO HUG ME !!! And let me feel it !!!! And if few tears come out well thats exactly what I want !!!! The feeling of lightness and the quiet !!!! ONE HUG !!! 

Random 4

Someone not me !!!

Random 3

All Over Again !!!